To me who was unaware of you inside me

Till Now I was oblivious of the fact that

the you who stays in me

was actually the one

who owns me,

more than myself

or anyone who was ever

close to me

So one day, I,

Who was blinded by that you,

whose love cannot pass through

as easy place as my heart

decided to quit, loving you

and then start fresh

decided to fall, out of love

and then get up

decided to cry, out the misfortune

and then laugh

decided to fail in the process

and then try again

but not to hide,

behind the curtain of your mirage

which was even shallower than

the rag of that man,

who on that fine day

told me to fight

the pain within,

when you had left me,

all alone, on that road, where

we had dreamt of peace and togetherness



Short poetry

If only you had taken a step forward

And I,

a step back

my love wouldn’t have turned into an obsession

Neither your’s in depression…

A love letter to my one true love- FOOD

And then I saw you again, It was brief
Out of the habit that I practiced for long
I tried to ignore you
I turned away, closed my eyes…
but the image of you calling me
Asking me to
let it go
Just for once
shattering the walls that I made
to save me from the ache,
deepened my crave for you
Now that the days of cold are gone
and the flowers are prettiest at dawn
reminds me that
It was never over,
Like the rays of the mighty one
kissing the face of earth
I, once again want to savor you
because all that is left of me
wants to stay with you
before fading away!

Image result for litti chokha

The ones who bind us – 3

CH-3 And it was the last time..


She suddenly felt as if she is floating in air, then the next thing she knew was she was being carried by a young man to the car. In the car, he was sitting next to her but no one talked. “What was there between them to talk about, the contract, that night?” she let a deep breath. She is going to be a mother in 9 months, the thought of being a person who is responsible for the life of another, it was her first time feeling these bittersweet emotions. She can only plant the seeds but can’t see it growing up, although a part of her was always worried about this, she chose to feign ignorance. Now that the countdown has started she was feeling anxious, would she be able to let go? The question in itself was meaningless, of course she had to, she has signed the contract. The first and the most important clause of the contract was to disappear from the life of “He” family, which in future will  be her child’s family and she has been paid generously for that.

As she was watching the cars passing by lost in her own thoughts, her right hand was suddenly pulled and a ying yang pendant was placed in her hands.


[ying yang pendant: Two halves that together complete wholeness. Yin and yang are also the starting point for change. When something is whole, by definition, it’s unchanging and complete. So when you split something into two halves – yin/yang, it upsets the equilibrium of wholeness. Both halves are chasing after each other as they seek a new balance with each other.The word Yin comes out to mean “shady side” and Yang “sunny side”.]

“Wear it, My mother used to wear this when she was pregnant, its a family heirloom” he said, his tone was cold but compared to the first time it was more subtle and tolerating. “um” She replied. “Return it after 9 months” and he signaled his secretary to collect it from her. Ms. Xi respectfully nodded her head assuring him that she will take care of it. She knew that it was not hers but why was she feeling so offended.

After a 30 minute journey they reached “the shock villa”, she changed its name from cold villa to shock villa, everytime she is here she will faint, hence in her subconscious mind she named it so. But who knew that she will be spending the nine months of pregnancy in this “shock villa”. As she stepped down from the car, the young handsome man signaled Ms. Xi and she asked Ms. Zhao to come with her. Before taking a step, she looked back at the guy who paid her for her womb and will be the father of her child. He realized the gaze was focused on him, he ordered the driver to drive away. She stood silent, watching the car leaving her like the dust behind. And it was the last time they shared the same sky. Ms. Xi asked her to quickly leave this place as she is allergic to dust. Suddenly she realized that no one except her foster father knows that she is allergic to dust. She asked Ms. Xi who smiled in response. And that smile answered her question. Of course they would do full investigation of a person who is going to give “He” family an heir.

After 8.5 months

As she was a medical student she was well aware of everything that should be done or avoided during pregnancy. They had already taken 9 months off from her college all she had to do was rest and take care of the babies. After the first trimester of pregnancy, Dr. Ming who was her direct supervisor and also her doctor told her that she is pregnant with twins. She was very happy, for the first time in her life she felt that something solely belongs to her. She was excited to welcome her babies in this world, as the days were passing she was getting more and more attached. But this feeling was accompanied by a fear of losing the ones who are now a part of her. But once again she chose to fool herself and let the fate decide it. Everyday she wakes up at 7 o’clock. she would go for a morning walk in front of the villa as it was located in remote area, then return to the garden and talk with flowers and her twins. After taking a shower she finishes her breakfast and then she would read books while lying on her favorite rocking chair, it was the only thing that she liked in that villa. After having lunch she usually sleeps till evening and after waking up she does yoga while lisening to soft music, then dinner and finally she would go to bed at 10 o’clock.

One day she realized that she had not done anything for her child so she should go buy some clothes for them and called Ms. Xi for the permission. She pleaded Ms. Xi to convince Mr. cold guy but she said that he would never let her roam outside the villa. Mo Sheng begged Ms. Xi in hoarse voice as if she is going to cry, Ms. Xi heard her painful voice, a part of her heart melted and decided to let her go but only for 2 hours. She was very excited, she used the money which she saved while working part-time to buy two cute panda baby warmer costume and 2 pair of blue bear socks. She was in hurry to reach home and show it to the servants and ask for their review. But the moment she came out of  the huge shopping complex which belonged to “He” group, she felt the pain in her abdomen and she realized that it is the time. She didn’t panic and called 120 for ambulance, after that she dialed the number of Ms. Xi to inform her condition.

After 15 minutes she was in the labor room and she was about to give birth to her second baby. She cried, scratched her soft small hands to bear the pain but it was too much… She was slowly losing consciousness, doctors were repeatedly asking her to stay awake and push with her all might. Suddenly a picture of her mother leaving her flashed in front of her eyes and in that moment she thought that she cannot let her child die, she cannot give up before fighting, she took an oath that this is last time she is being weak, she will never abandon them like her mother did, she will become stronger and always watch over them. She didn’t know whether she was happy or sad as it was the day, when she first touched them and parted from them. Carrying the twins in her both arms, she kissed them and said… Wait for me boys… your mom will surely come back.

Enjoy the song 🙂

Life 1.1

Youth is often compared to flower, here’s something that I experienced in my youth and I am glad that it happened. 🙂

life 1.1

The moment I saw you I knew it can’t be controlled anymore. I was drawn closer to you, like a bee in vicinity of honey, like a river merging into vast sea. I let go of myself, drowning deep into you. This whole time I was clear-headed, I thought if only I could match up with your pace, I could get to know you, I can feel you, I can make you mine. But soon I realized a bird who is used to fly high can’t be caged nor can you simply follow them bcz in no time they will change their direction and leave you all alone in the limitless sky.  The place where you are standing is beyond my reach, I was about to extend my hand, asking you to hold it,  if not, only look at me..a single glance is enough. But, you disappeared like fog clearing up a morning sky for me, asking me to wake up from the beautiful dream which I wanted to live. I always say a person can get anything if they want it, you just need to be persistent and work hard, but some things are not meant to be acquired, if its in your fate then eventually you’ll get it otherwise the more you will persevere the more difficult it will be to let go..

Why is liking someone so difficult? They say its beautiful, you become a whole different person. Yes, I became a new version of myself but somehow I feel I lost a part of me to a stranger who took my emotions, love and sanity, and in return I got pieces of my by one, shattered by his ignorance and my stupidity.

While writing this I can feel a sting in my nose, my eyes are blurry. Going deep for someone slowly consumes your heart and in the end all that is left, is a hollow space..which you try to fill up with fake smiles and cloud of beings.

For all those who are in love, listen to Mrs. Kudo’s advice, Don’t waste your time beating around the bush and confess to your someone special. If you get rejected then follow the principle- I-will-become-a-better-version-of-myself-then-you-won’t-be-able-to-resist-me. However, this will only delude you but who knows, you might become a person who he/she wants to take care of..

Passion is the soul of youth, so love with all of your heart and no regret.

This song is dedicated to my crush- I liked you for so long, now its time to let go. Bye.

Méiyǒu yī diǎndiǎn fángbèi
Without any preparations
Yě méiyǒu yīsī gùlǜ
Without any worry
Nǐ jiù zhèyàng chūxiàn zài wǒ de shìjiè lǐ
You just appeared in my world this way
Dài gěi wǒ jīngxǐ qíng bù zìyǐ
And brought forth wondrous excitement not of my own
Kěshì nǐ piān yòu zhèyàng
However, you are such/purposely this way
偏= bias, contrary to what is expected, 偏偏 = purposely
Zài wǒ bùzhī bù jué zhōng qiāoqiāo de xiāoshī
Unconsciously I did not know how quietly it had slipped away
Cóng wǒ de shìjiè lǐ méiyǒu yīnxùn
No more news from my world
Shèng xià de zhǐshì huíyì
Only memories are left
Nǐ cúnzài wǒ shēn shēn de nǎohǎi lǐ
You exist deep in my memories
我的梦里 我的心里 我的歌声里
Wǒ de mèng lǐ wǒ de xīnlǐ wǒ de gēshēng lǐ
In my dreams, in my heart, in my singing
Nǐ cúnzài wǒ shēn shēn de nǎohǎi lǐ
You exist deep in my memories
我的梦里 我的心里 我的歌声里
Wǒ de mèng lǐ wǒ de xīnlǐ wǒ de gēshēng lǐ
In my dreams, in my heart, in my singing
(End Chorus)
Hái jìde wǒmen céngjīng
I still remember how we once ago
Jiān bìngjiān yīqǐ zǒuguò nà duàn fánhuá xiàng kǒu
Were entering that bustling alley, side by side
Jǐnguǎn nǐ wǒ shì mòshēng rén shì guòlù rén
Despite the fact that you and I are strangers, passers-by
Dàn bǐcǐ háishì gǎnjué dàole duìfāng de
But we both\mutually have the opposite feeling
Yīgè yǎnshén yī ge xīntiào
One gaze, one heartbeat
Yī zhǒng yì xiǎngbùdào de kuàilè
Unexpected happiness
Hǎoxiàng shì yī chǎng mèngjìng mìngzhòng zhùdìng
Seems to be destined to stay just a dream
Nǐ cúnzài wǒ shēn shēn de nǎohǎi lǐ
You exist deep in my memories
我的梦里 我的心里 我的歌声里
Wǒ de mèng lǐ wǒ de xīnlǐ wǒ de gēshēng lǐ
In my dreams, in my heart, in my singing
Nǐ cúnzài wǒ shēn shēn de nǎohǎi lǐ
You exist deep in my memories
我的梦里 我的心里 我的歌声里
Wǒ de mèng lǐ wǒ de xīnlǐ wǒ de gēshēng lǐ
In my dreams, in my heart, in my singing
(End Chorus)
Shìjiè zhī dà wéi hé wǒmen xiāng yù
The world so big and why do we have to meet
Nándào shì yuánfèn nándào shì tiānyì
Can it be our fate, can it be the heaven’s wish?


The ones who bind us – 2

CH-2 It was the first time….


Suddenly the coffee mug slipped from her hands and the white marble floor became dark brown. She stared at the spilled coffee for a while and then ran towards the bathroom hobbling on the steps. She opened the door of the huge bathroom and stood in shower rubbing her body as if it is covered with parasites which are mercilessly cutting, biting and feeding on her. She scratched her body so roughly that warm blood started dripping from her white translucent skin. She wanted to rip off the disgusting layer coating her body which was used worse than a doormat. Ultimately she fainted. Ms. Xi was outside the door when she heard a thumpppp… sound, she rushed back to the corridor and asked servants to open the door. After the end of the commotion, a ‘He’ family doctor came and analyzed the patient’s situation.

“I checked. her breathing is normal maybe she is feeling a little tense, I will write a list of medicines and please make sure she gets enough sleep. Her body is still weak, after all she is only 18 yrs Old.” Doctor said’

Ms. Xi politely walked the doctor to the door.  Dr. Zhang paused and hesitatingly asked “have they ……?”

Ms. Xi said with a faint smile “what needs to be done, should be done ..IN TIME!!, You know how young Master works.”

After 3 weeks, she was still on the bed wondering how this happened, the images of that night were fuzzy, she couldn’t remember much but the pain and the marks were evidence of the wild terrifying night that she hadn’t experienced ever before. She wanted to forget it but sometimes all you can do is lie in bed and hope to fall asleep before you fall apart. As she was about to sleep a knock followed by a pleasant yet stiff voice of Ms. Xi called out her name “Ms. Zhao, the dinner is ready, I am here to take you to the dinner hall”. Mo Sheng was in no mood to eat but according to the contract……… Her head started to hurt again as she remembered how her adoptive mother forced her to sign that ridiculous contract. She has to sell herself for 100 million dollar. She was always nice and calm, even when her foster-mother was accusing her of not being filial and forced her to sign the contract, she was composed and once again for the sake of her family she decided to sacrifice herself, even sell her body…. Mrs. Zhao said “you ungrateful child! we took care of you for 10 years, even if you don’t consider us parents but as a human you should repay our kindness – the cost of clothes, tuition fee and food wasted on you. We provided shelter to a shameless bitch like you and yet you treat us this way in a situation like this!!” Suddenly she felt a sharp pain in her lower abdomen and her sight became blurry. As she stood up holding the corners of the bed to open the doors, she collapsed. On the way to hospital she was half conscious and in that moment she realized that it was her second time she fainted in this grand cold Villa, and again there was no one to hold on…..

When she opened her eyes she was  in an unfamiliar surrounding, however, she was not really surprised because there was nothing left in this cruel world that could scare her anymore. She was in a white room, a vase full of white daisies were smiling at her as if they are trying to console that everything will be alright. The atmosphere was quite nice and warm but the nauseating smell of Iodoform disturbed her chain of thoughts.  On her one side Ms. Xi was standing and on the other side, two doctors were talking to a handsome man in black suit. Although she wasn’t able to completely see him but she can sense his strong presence, she spoke in very low and soft voice “you’re here..!”. Though no one was able to hear her but as her lips moved Ms. Xi asked her in a soft voice “Miss Zhao are you feeling okay?” Mo sheng tried to nod but she had no energy, she was tired and her head was feeling heavy. The movement on the left side attracted the attention of the guy and doctors. After examining her for 10 minutes the doctor said “Miss. Zhao congratulations you are pregnant but your body is very weak, you need to take a good rest and eat healthy food, we will ask our nutritionist to prepare a meal chart for you”. The second doctor pinched him and told to speak less.

The handsome guy lifted his eyes from Mo Sheng to the doctors and asked them in his cold dominating tone “She can leave?”. The doctors replied in “Yes!”. This was her first time listening to his cold and arrogant voice. Somehow her head started to hurt more than before. I am pregnant!! 18 yrs old girls are in their prime age, they are supposed to experience the world,  but fate once again slapped right in her face. But she doesn’t mind it because she has been through more. When she was in high school she did many part-time jobs because of her family’s poor financial conditions. After she grew up the company which was the main source of their livelihood went bankrupt, at that time she was in her freshmen year of college, now that the whole household was in debt and the new company that was established on loans was on the verge of failing, her foster parents were extremely anxious. Due to this, apart from her usual part-time jobs she started working as a tuition teacher. And that’s when she first met him… It was a coincidence which changed her whole life.. if only she was 5 min late… If only…. But she didn’t realize that the it was all a part of his evil plan, A plan which was meticulously formed to capture the prey..


The ones who bind us – 1

CH-1 The beast in disguise.


Mo sheng might be looking like this.

That day, lying on the bed her eyes were focused on the bright red blaze that was lighting the dark quiet night, its like a part of her calm and gentle self was burnt… by the flame of desires of the man sleeping beside her. Though the room was warm her heart was cold and empty, her pride was trampled upon, but there was no one to blame. She tried everything, gave her all but at the end if you are born with a cursed fate, no one can help you even the god turns his back. As she tried moving up to pick up her clothes, she saw the stained bedsheet and in that brief moment felt like a rose stung by her own thorns and the tears rolled down her pink cheeks. It was painful, the beast whose appearance can be compared to ancient Emperors, born to rule, to conquer, his straight pointed nose, dark dense eyebrows, cold thin lips even in sleep were commanding her to let go of everything, her dignity, her pride, self-respect….

Lost in thoughts she picked up her clothes and went for shower. The sound of water wakes someone, who was extremely close to her yet unable to see the pain she was in. He was like a tiger born to dominate whatever comes in his sight. The aura radiating from his body can easily make a person shudder and bend knees in front of him. Though he was a person born with silver spoon, he knew how to make use of silver spoon to scoop gold mine. His sharp eagle eyes are enough to tell you the kind of person he is, an extremely confident and proud one. As his eyelashes opened to let the morning mist take a glimpse of the cold dark eyes, he saw someone limping and falling. The repeating cycle of falling and standing was hilarious for a person who was watching it as an amusing show, but for the women, it was a self assurance method to let her body and soul know that she is not weak, she still can get on her feet without any support and fight.

She was walking barefoot with a towel wrapped around her shining white porcelain body, the bites on her delicate clavicle were complimenting her skin tone, her eyes were hazy and misty giving her an aura of goddess ASTRAEA, the straight black hair reaching her knees were still wet and the droplets on her hair were painting a beautiful picture of night with sparkling stars. She was standing in the front of a long mirror, she let go of the towel which was clunched in her small hands and the towel fell on the ground exposing her naked body with grey and red marks on almost every nook and corner, suddenly a chilly blow of wind knocked her into senses. She dressed up in her turtleneck pullover, a simple blue jeans and a pair of black boots. She was looking simple but yet radiating a strange aura that was inevitable for eyes to avoid. His eyes lingered from her toes to tip of her slender fingers and he frowned . Damn Doesn’t she get to eat, why is she so thin? He was startled by his own train of thoughts. what has it got to do with him? He messaged Ms. Xi to follow-up with the next step and pretended to sleep. Ms. Xi knocked the door, hearing the sound Mo Sheng looked at the person who was still in deep sleep, she tip toed towards the door and opened it.

Ms. Xi politely asked her to go downstairs and have breakfast. As she was still limping on her one leg Ms. Xi supported her on stairs. while she was having breakfast she heard a sound of brummmmmmmmmm… and she looked outside, the car flew as if it was waiting long to get away from her. Looking outside the window her tears fought their way out of her beautiful eyes, she doesn’t know why she cried, Was it because of the pain from last night or her cursed fate!

Enjoy the music 🙂